A musical group of Hawaiians used to visit Alamogordo once or twice a year for a week or so at a time. They did soft rock, a little folk music, and had a few outstanding Island specialty numbers in their repertoire. The lead singer, Mary, was the only Houi (non-Polynesian). They were not Hawaiian, you were made to know, but Maui, the difference being Hawaiians no longer eat people.
Huey climbed into the kettle again, still resigned to pay the price, "You capture Huey, me dead meat."
"We no eat people. You free, go." Bubba was at wits end. His original intention had been to enlist a little help around the cave, particularly the bedroom. Also, the girls had planned ham hock with turnip greens for supper, and this guy would make it taste funny.
Huey licked saliva from his lips and his eyes narrowed as he inspected Bubba, "Me capture you, me eat you. You start fire now so supper not late." His head submerged below the surface.
Bub heaved the kettle off the fire pit. Greens, soup bones, and a Maui washed across the gravel bar. "Pretend you escape."
"Not real if you watch. Only hope, friend rescue me . . . " Huey looked wistful. He righted the pot and scooted it back to the fire place.
Run Woman approached in time to see the brown man disappear into her vessel. "Oh damn, Bubba, look what he do. Supper all over ground. He behave or go home."
"Me get rid of him." Bub had a cunning plan.
"Huey, women want you for supper. Bub friend, me rescue you." He again upset the pot and ran toward the trees, beckoning Huey to follow.
"Huey too crafty for that. You try trick me." He reentered the receptacle.
There was little to eat that evening. In the morning, the small tribe witnessed Huey still in their crucible. Like a football topped with wavy black hair, his head swiveled around and about, watching in dread for those who would eat him. Stiff and cramped, he had cheated, a couple times during the night, by leaving his confinement to stretch and walk about.
The tribe held council at the fire place. They outlined a subterfuge ever so sly.
"How about it, Huey?"
"Get real. Too contrived, no good." he told them.
Finally, Huey allowed, "Me try." He was desperate. Becoming cannibal food, imminent for so long a time, would unnerve anyone.
Wanda, Gruenhilda, and Alice volunteered to accept Huey as a god and enter into awestruck worship. Wanda threw herself prostrate, begging for mercy. Hilda galloped forward with a Scandinavian war cry, "Me make baby for Huey." Throwing aside her horned helm, she drew the thatched football to her bosom.
Alice changed her mind. Her wild, desperate eyes darted side to side, looking for escape. A mat of blonde hair tangled across her face, the upper lip curled in a snarl. She rushed at Huey screaming, "Me die first !" She began jerking fists full of his hair, still caught up in Hilda’s embrace. Hilda let him go and backed away when Alice began to thrash him about the head and shoulders.
Huey scrambled out of the pot, fending as best he could. Alice punched him in the stomach, bit off a piece of ear, and finished with a swift knee to the groin, "God or no god, no man possess Alice."
He grappled her in self defense, elevating her body. Her thrashing feet barked his shins. "Me god, you submit." he wrestled her toward the cave.
With her arms pinned, Alice could only butt her head backward into Huey’s face, smashing his nose. "No man master Alice !" she yelled. The rawhide cover to the cave opening flapped shut.
Within 30 minutes, Huey limped forth followed by a docile Alice. His nose was bleeding, patches of scalp had been snatched bald, and one eye was swollen closed. He was still resolute and lisped past a badly swollen lip, "Next."
It was Gruenhilda’s turn, followed by the triumphant bugle blast of her Viking horn. Wanda was last. Those outside could hear the soft moans of distress, building to quick sharp yelps as though she could not catch her breath, then a crescendo of prolonged gasps accompanied by the satisfied grunts of a sadistic god.
Huey anointed his worshipers with extract of bitter root to protect them from his own tribe’s taste testers. The bitter root would be distasteful, and the women would be accepted as tribe members.
. . .
Bubba’s family returned to normal routine. Bub would miss those who had been captured by cannibals but was relieved to find himself with only three women. That didn’t last long.
Three suns had passed when Huey returned with six Polynesian maidens. It turned out that the cannibals, like Bub, had a surplus of females. "Bub no refuse — offend Maui custom." The women had been smeared with bitter root. Bub was required to take a ritual bite of each and accept them into his tribe.
"Bitter root really awful." Bub spat after his first taste. "Me find new place to bite." That girl giggled, most gasped in surprise.
"Okay, Huey, me take. We no eat women." He thought privately, (Well, maybe the young plump one once in a while.)
Bub began to worry, "Mercy, nine women to provide for and keep happy, to say nothing of the kids." He broke into a cold sweat. It turned warm, then feverish.
Now, he really panicked — he knew what this overly-warm feeling meant. He was spinning awake from a nightmare. He set his mind to face the reality. Struggling through the soft bodies, he sat up to an eleven voice chorus, "Good morning, Bubba !" Had he counted wrong in his dream? No, there had been two new defections to his camp in the night. It no longer mattered, he decided. What was a poor man to do?
The coals were wet and dead. Two women, Run and Howl, worked together to kindle damp tinder, their palms whistling softly back and forth. Wish, wish, wish, wish, they tormented the same wooden cavity, which only steamed.
"No good, Howl." Run straightened and flexed her cramped wrists.
"Ugh." Howl quit the futile effort. "Petite Rosa Ladies’ Ware have smoke damage sale. Me think where smoke, find fire."
"What ladies wear?"
"Very little." Howl scratched her bare butt. Then seriously, "Lady is a woman class. Not sure what ware mean — maybe breech apron or kneepads."
"We go see." Run grabbed her rucksack, and they disappeared into the misty forest.